I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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