so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
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Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in