theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?