dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not