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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month