It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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