Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
