Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
