I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
