Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
