If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
