Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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