Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
