I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize