Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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