Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
