Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
