How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so much tequila, so little girl.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
