so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
