would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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