smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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