the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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