My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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