does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
