STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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