he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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