Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
