Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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