I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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