U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
