her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
