Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
