fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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