So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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