Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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