DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
