i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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