he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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