who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
