So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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