I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And then he peed in my hair
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