Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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