she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
how drunk are you?
Several
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
