I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize