I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
