Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
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Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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