Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
