Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
