using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
