Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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