This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
