Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
