Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
