Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
