Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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