wat bout pragnant strippers??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
