Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
