I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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