I'm lost and stupid without you.
one two three fourrrrnication!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
