Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
