I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.