Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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