Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.