I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
