I didn't shave. On purpose
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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