I wish I could teleport
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
