So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
