Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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