They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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