How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
