Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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