she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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